Mission: SAHM

I chose to accept my mission again...to be a stay at home mom (SAHM). I put my resignation in at work and have one more day of training my replacement before I am officially done. The last work has served as nothing more than a confirmation of this decision. Bella has gotten strep from school and I have had to take 2 days off of my last week at work to stay at home with her. I have so enjoyed being able to be there and comfort her and answer her zillions of questions.

What am I going to chose to do to celebrate? Well...I've already begun. I am slowly but surely getting my home back under control and reorganized into a functioning place again. I cleaned up most of the dishes today and reorganized my cup cabinets while Bella was snuggling down on the couch watching Christmas movies. Then Bella watched me work on dinner, beef stew and homemade bread. Her job was to count how many "scoops" of each ingredient I added to the bread machine.

I am hoping that the extra time with Bella will help speed along her recovery so she can get back to her normal self. Say an extra prayer for her!

Fear vs. Faith

Where you go, I'll go Where you stay, I'll stay When you move, I'll move I will follow... All your ways are good All your ways are sure I will trust in you alone Higher than my side High above my life I will trust in you alone Where you go, I'll go Where you stay, I'll stay When you move, I'll move I will follow you Who you love, I'll love How you serve I'll serve If this life I lose, I will follow you I will follow you Light unto the world Light unto my life I will live for you alone You're the one I seek Knowing I will find All I need in you alone, in you alone In you there's life everlasting In you there's freedom for my soul In you there joy, unending joy and I will follow --Chris Tomlin I was thinking about this song as it was playing in my car. Oddly enough it made me think of my dogs. When I get up to leave the room my dogs will pop up out of a dead sleep to follow me. On a walk my dogs will watch my every move to make sure they are following me (well...when they are being good dogs). To be able to follow my every move they keep their eyes on me. They live for my praise for their obedience and my attention in practically a drug for them. If we don't keep our eyes on God how can we expect to truly "follow" him? Will this require effort? Of course and a lot of it! But I also think that we find ourselves truly transformed when our goals involve Him rather than our career, bank account, vacation, cars, homes, title, status. This area is where I am struggling. Why? Because I am being called into into my home to raise my small children. I LOVE my children, so why is this decision so hard on me? I'm afraid. I once again feel like I am committing economic and career suicide. I KNOW that this is the decision that is best for my children including the precious infant growing in my womb. Fear vs. faith right?

Thanksgiving Reflections

Seriously...does it ever slow down? I am really struggling with the fact that my time seems to vanish before my eyes. I looked down and suddenly I am a mom of 3 (almost 4) and my oldest is 6 years old only 12 years from departing the nest. We are 1/3 of the way through nurturing her through her childhood. Cries for milk have changed into cries of injustice and soon there will be tears of heartbreak and teenage anguish. I am so not ready for this.

My life is over complicated. I am working on simplifying it. I want to be able to spend intentional time with my children...the over-used "quality time" idea. The problem is that my attention span is startlingly short. If I were a child today I would probably be diagnosed with ADD. As it is I am an adult with real responsibilities dealing with the fact that I need to focus and be patient. I desire to be a good wife and a good mother. The question is...what do these things REALLY look like? I'm not talking about a June Cleaver kind of concept but a realistic "good" wife and mom that years from now my children will never doubt for one second that I love them with all that I am for who they are? Nope. I don't have any answers yet? I just hope I am not running up the therapy bill for my offspring years from now while I sort this dilemma out.

We are preparing for Thanksgiving. My in-laws are coming in to town and it is just as exciting as waiting for Christmas morning when I was a kid. I have one of those weird families where I genuinely love and enjoy my in-laws. They are just fun to be around and lets face it...I'm lonely. My children are great company but they lack the maturity to get most of my jokes and I am quite glad about that. I enjoy watching them interact with my children and watch them define "grandparent" in their young minds. I can only remember having one grandparent when I was growing up and that relationship was pure and precious to me. I see the same types of relationships growing between my children and my-laws and my mom. Maybe I am getting old and sentimental around the holidays. Or maybe, just maybe, God opens my eyes and lets me glimpse at what life is really about every once in a while.

My mom is spending Thanksgiving in Israel. It has been on her bucket list for years. I am excited to hear all about her trip when she returns. I never realize how much I talk to my mom until she is out of the country and unable to talk (well...ok...I'm too cheap to talk to her when she is out of the country). I guess this is an eye opening glimpse into the reality of life and the true richness of relationship.

I guess my epiphany for today is RELATIONSHIP and the value that lies there. What a cliche. I guess even cliches have to be rooted in truth right?

Oh Boy...It's a Boy!

O'Brien baby #4 is a boy! We found out on Friday morning 11/4/11 that the baby wiggling around in my tummy is a little boy. I was totally in shock! Jay was grinning from ear to ear from the time she showed us that he was indeed a he on the ultrasound screen. It is really weird to refer to the baby as a "he". It may take a while to get used to!

I have started checking out baby boy outfits to try to decide what to bring him home from the hospital in. I know that sounds pathetic...but with a girl you can chose something frilly and pop a bow on her head and it is easy. With a boy it is going to take more thought. Jay is concentrating on footwear and the fact that he can confidently pick out shoes for his son. This boy may have a serious shoe obsession like his daddy.

There is a ton of Georgia stuff that I can get for the baby...but they don't make them in newborn. The smallest I can find is 3 - 6 months and if this little boy comes out the size of a 3 to 6 month old baby we're going to be having bigger problems than wardrobe choice! I will let the search continue because I would like nothing more than to bring my first born son home in a cute little Georgia bulldogs outfit!

We took Bella and Kinsey out to breakfast at Ginger Sue's to tell them that they are going to have a baby brother. We videoed the event. Jay tried to drag it out to create drama, but when he said that the baby is a boy Bella burst into tears. It took her the rest of the breakfast to come to grips with the idea. She finally decided "I can take care of a baby boy." Good decision. Kinsey pondered it a while and when I asked her what she thought about having a baby brother and she said "it's a great idea." Alrighty then...

Taylor has been PRAYING for a baby brother almost on a nightly basis for over a year. Apparently God answers the earnest prayers of a little girl. We told her when she came in the door from school. She screamed and jumped up and down. She LOVES the idea!

Coming soon...O'Brien baby #4!

Yes, folks...that's right we're having another baby! We are 17 weeks along with our 4th baby. The little one is due to arrive on March 5, 2012.

The kids are super excited and Bella tells us all the time that she can't wait to hold the baby. We rented a doppler so the kids can listen to the baby's heartbeat. The kids think that the doppler is a two-way radio and when they hear the baby's heartbeat they start screaming into the speaker "I love you baby!" Taylor is working on her reading skills by reading Your Pregnancy Week By Week. They all like to kiss my tummy and rub the baby. Kinsey will tell me "that's my baby." I hope she likes the new addition when it is out and requiring mom and dad's attention.

Our ultrasound is scheduled for November 4, 2011 when we will get a good look at the little tyke and see whether the baby is a he or a she. According tot he Chinese birth chart the baby is supposed to be a girl. Jay really feels like it is a boy and I feel like it is a girl. Taylor and Bella have both said "we have enough sisters, we need a brother." I hope the baby isn't shy and tells us whether to think pink or blue!

I have been feeling the baby pop and flutter around for a while now. I've only been positive that what I was feeling was baby movement for about two weeks or so. I woke up last week to the feeling of a rhythmic "jumping bean" in my tummy. I guess the baby was ready for me to get up.

I remember when I was pregnant with Bella I had curled up next to Jay while he was sleeping and he woke up thinking I was poking him before he realized that it was Bella kicking him. His game after that was to put his hand on my tummy anytime he woke up through the night because it would get the baby moving around. It will be a while yet before he can start his little game with this baby and he may be so exhausted now with 3 other kids running around to never wake up in the middle of the night.

I am still taking my dance class trying to keep some muscle tone through the pregnancy. My protective little Taylor had laid down in my room and was asleep waiting for me when I got home. When I woke her up to take her to bed she just smiled at me and said "good, I'm glad you're home" and trudged off to bed. So precious!

Powerful Beyond Measure

"“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
by Marianne Williamson,
from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles"

Happy New Year!

It was a wild 2010 and we are moving on to an action packed 2011! We rang in the new year laying in bed, completely exhausted from our three little spitfires with imaginary glasses. After saying a "Happy White Rabbit Day" to one another (long story), and I won by the way, we promptly rolled over and enjoyed our first snore of the new year.

We celebrated Kinsey's second birthday with her totally adorable little friends all around her. We waited a couple of weeks after her real birthday to allow things to settle down (and for me to get the Christmas decorations down) to make sure that she was the focus of the celebration. She had a lady bug themed party and she was clad in her red & black tutu that I made for her. She is so sweet and will ask you "snuggle me?" Everyone once in a while she'll say "I lu you" (I love you) and it is so stinkin' cute! Yesterday at preschool I was running a little late and her teachers were telling me that she was walking around the room saying "mommy, where are you?"

Bella is still enjoying preschool and dance. She totally blew my socks off with what a big girl she has become when we went to Tori's birthday party and she asked me to unlock her skates and then rolled right out onto the "big kid floor." She was amazing! Her heart is so big and so tender. Sometimes I look into those big blue eyes of hers and am totally amazed at the wonderful, caring person that is budding within her. You just SEE her and want to give her a hug!

Taylor is turning into a remarkable young lady as well. I was extremely proud of her when we went ice skating with the Daisies and then roller skating at Tori's party. I watched her take something head on and conquer it. It is unbelievable the feeling you get as a mother watching your little girl stride out with confidence. She's gotten pretty attached to me here recently to the point that she even gets a little sad at school because she misses me. I tell her every day that I will be here waiting for her when she is done with school and that it is okay to go and have fun. I love it that she loves to be home and be with me and her sisters. I WANT her to feel safe, but I also want her to be free.

Oh how my babies have grown since the last time I posted on this blog! These are my "good ole days." Nope, not high school with all of its responsibility free boasts...not college with its promises of experimentation...today.