Fear vs. Faith

Where you go, I'll go Where you stay, I'll stay When you move, I'll move I will follow... All your ways are good All your ways are sure I will trust in you alone Higher than my side High above my life I will trust in you alone Where you go, I'll go Where you stay, I'll stay When you move, I'll move I will follow you Who you love, I'll love How you serve I'll serve If this life I lose, I will follow you I will follow you Light unto the world Light unto my life I will live for you alone You're the one I seek Knowing I will find All I need in you alone, in you alone In you there's life everlasting In you there's freedom for my soul In you there joy, unending joy and I will follow --Chris Tomlin I was thinking about this song as it was playing in my car. Oddly enough it made me think of my dogs. When I get up to leave the room my dogs will pop up out of a dead sleep to follow me. On a walk my dogs will watch my every move to make sure they are following me (well...when they are being good dogs). To be able to follow my every move they keep their eyes on me. They live for my praise for their obedience and my attention in practically a drug for them. If we don't keep our eyes on God how can we expect to truly "follow" him? Will this require effort? Of course and a lot of it! But I also think that we find ourselves truly transformed when our goals involve Him rather than our career, bank account, vacation, cars, homes, title, status. This area is where I am struggling. Why? Because I am being called into into my home to raise my small children. I LOVE my children, so why is this decision so hard on me? I'm afraid. I once again feel like I am committing economic and career suicide. I KNOW that this is the decision that is best for my children including the precious infant growing in my womb. Fear vs. faith right?

Thanksgiving Reflections

Seriously...does it ever slow down? I am really struggling with the fact that my time seems to vanish before my eyes. I looked down and suddenly I am a mom of 3 (almost 4) and my oldest is 6 years old only 12 years from departing the nest. We are 1/3 of the way through nurturing her through her childhood. Cries for milk have changed into cries of injustice and soon there will be tears of heartbreak and teenage anguish. I am so not ready for this.

My life is over complicated. I am working on simplifying it. I want to be able to spend intentional time with my children...the over-used "quality time" idea. The problem is that my attention span is startlingly short. If I were a child today I would probably be diagnosed with ADD. As it is I am an adult with real responsibilities dealing with the fact that I need to focus and be patient. I desire to be a good wife and a good mother. The question is...what do these things REALLY look like? I'm not talking about a June Cleaver kind of concept but a realistic "good" wife and mom that years from now my children will never doubt for one second that I love them with all that I am for who they are? Nope. I don't have any answers yet? I just hope I am not running up the therapy bill for my offspring years from now while I sort this dilemma out.

We are preparing for Thanksgiving. My in-laws are coming in to town and it is just as exciting as waiting for Christmas morning when I was a kid. I have one of those weird families where I genuinely love and enjoy my in-laws. They are just fun to be around and lets face it...I'm lonely. My children are great company but they lack the maturity to get most of my jokes and I am quite glad about that. I enjoy watching them interact with my children and watch them define "grandparent" in their young minds. I can only remember having one grandparent when I was growing up and that relationship was pure and precious to me. I see the same types of relationships growing between my children and my-laws and my mom. Maybe I am getting old and sentimental around the holidays. Or maybe, just maybe, God opens my eyes and lets me glimpse at what life is really about every once in a while.

My mom is spending Thanksgiving in Israel. It has been on her bucket list for years. I am excited to hear all about her trip when she returns. I never realize how much I talk to my mom until she is out of the country and unable to talk (well...ok...I'm too cheap to talk to her when she is out of the country). I guess this is an eye opening glimpse into the reality of life and the true richness of relationship.

I guess my epiphany for today is RELATIONSHIP and the value that lies there. What a cliche. I guess even cliches have to be rooted in truth right?

Oh Boy...It's a Boy!

O'Brien baby #4 is a boy! We found out on Friday morning 11/4/11 that the baby wiggling around in my tummy is a little boy. I was totally in shock! Jay was grinning from ear to ear from the time she showed us that he was indeed a he on the ultrasound screen. It is really weird to refer to the baby as a "he". It may take a while to get used to!

I have started checking out baby boy outfits to try to decide what to bring him home from the hospital in. I know that sounds pathetic...but with a girl you can chose something frilly and pop a bow on her head and it is easy. With a boy it is going to take more thought. Jay is concentrating on footwear and the fact that he can confidently pick out shoes for his son. This boy may have a serious shoe obsession like his daddy.

There is a ton of Georgia stuff that I can get for the baby...but they don't make them in newborn. The smallest I can find is 3 - 6 months and if this little boy comes out the size of a 3 to 6 month old baby we're going to be having bigger problems than wardrobe choice! I will let the search continue because I would like nothing more than to bring my first born son home in a cute little Georgia bulldogs outfit!

We took Bella and Kinsey out to breakfast at Ginger Sue's to tell them that they are going to have a baby brother. We videoed the event. Jay tried to drag it out to create drama, but when he said that the baby is a boy Bella burst into tears. It took her the rest of the breakfast to come to grips with the idea. She finally decided "I can take care of a baby boy." Good decision. Kinsey pondered it a while and when I asked her what she thought about having a baby brother and she said "it's a great idea." Alrighty then...

Taylor has been PRAYING for a baby brother almost on a nightly basis for over a year. Apparently God answers the earnest prayers of a little girl. We told her when she came in the door from school. She screamed and jumped up and down. She LOVES the idea!